Diary 2026 continued: Difference between revisions
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==== 2026-04-01 09:08 ==== | ==== 2026-04-01 09:08 ==== | ||
"Just kill yourself" - I could not find another thought in my mind. Just nothing else. My head is not working. This thought was bombarding me all night. First something wrong, something I have or had to do but have not done. Something I would normally be able to do but was not able to do now. I will be a bit more specific, but first few other things about how I am now and what is happening. I am fully dressed in my bed and under 2 thick blankets, but I am shivering from cold. I woke up last night at 3:05 and could not fall asleep after it. I tried calling help line but wait time was very long. I tried another line but was the same long. I just noticed that I am skipping half of the sentence and it is not possible to understand what I want to write. I have to keep running something in the background. | "Just kill yourself" - I could not find another thought in my mind. Just nothing else. My head is not working. This thought was bombarding me all night. First something wrong, something I have or had to do but have not done. Something I would normally be able to do but was not able to do now. I will be a bit more specific, but first few other things about how I am now and what is happening. I am fully dressed in my bed and under 2 thick blankets, but I am shivering from cold. I woke up last night at 3:05 and could not fall asleep after it. I tried calling help line but wait time was very long. I tried another line but was the same long. I just noticed that I am skipping half of the sentence and it is not possible to understand what I want to write. I have to keep running something in the background. | ||
Froze again. There was a bit of comedy. It made me feel better. | |||
I had trouble for few days now. I almost have not done anything yesterday, because I was exhausted. I have no time to cook, lucky I have enough easy to prepare meals. But today I took few bites, and I no longer want to eat. | |||
OK, so what was going in my mind all night. I never went to court. I have been hit by a car where driver told me that he did it on purpose, corrupt policemen made sure that the driver gets away without any consequences, QBE insurance dragged time for 9 years without paying for anything, my lawyers colluded with QBE and misrepresented me, some government officials. My lawyers are demanding absurd amount of money. I have many reasons to challenge them in court and yet, I have not done it. I was dreaming to go to court, but I got so discouraged, that I no longer believe that I will win. | |||
Revision as of 00:01, 1 April 2026
I get an error when trying to edit Diary 2026. I will be posting my diary here while I try to fix it.
2026-03-27 11:50
2026-03-27 10:15
There were no diary entries for the last few days because I was tired. I woke up with the dream where I fully recovered and went camping. I cannot do this any-more. Just amount of preparation I took would be too much. I woke up more than an hour ago but feeling of sadness linger.
Yesterday I broke my main glasses. The old ones are not strong enough to see properly. I need to get up. No time to feel sad.
2026-03-31 12:28
It feels good to be able to write diary again. However, that is the only thing that feels good. Yesterday, I realised that I had to do few important calls looking for medical specialist 10 days ago and I have not done it yet. Why? My best guess that this brings memories terrible experience when looking for lawyers. I do not thing that doctors will betray me the same way as lawyers did, but I freeze now anyway before I can even think about taking actions.
2026-04-01 09:08
"Just kill yourself" - I could not find another thought in my mind. Just nothing else. My head is not working. This thought was bombarding me all night. First something wrong, something I have or had to do but have not done. Something I would normally be able to do but was not able to do now. I will be a bit more specific, but first few other things about how I am now and what is happening. I am fully dressed in my bed and under 2 thick blankets, but I am shivering from cold. I woke up last night at 3:05 and could not fall asleep after it. I tried calling help line but wait time was very long. I tried another line but was the same long. I just noticed that I am skipping half of the sentence and it is not possible to understand what I want to write. I have to keep running something in the background.
Froze again. There was a bit of comedy. It made me feel better.
I had trouble for few days now. I almost have not done anything yesterday, because I was exhausted. I have no time to cook, lucky I have enough easy to prepare meals. But today I took few bites, and I no longer want to eat.
OK, so what was going in my mind all night. I never went to court. I have been hit by a car where driver told me that he did it on purpose, corrupt policemen made sure that the driver gets away without any consequences, QBE insurance dragged time for 9 years without paying for anything, my lawyers colluded with QBE and misrepresented me, some government officials. My lawyers are demanding absurd amount of money. I have many reasons to challenge them in court and yet, I have not done it. I was dreaming to go to court, but I got so discouraged, that I no longer believe that I will win.